


brave heart

by intothenowhere



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 17:52:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16877493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intothenowhere/pseuds/intothenowhere
Summary: Reader winds up breaking down due to life events and Poe finds and comforts them.





	brave heart

**Author's Note:**

> I realize this isn't my usual type of fic, and that a lot of my readers are either uncomfortable with or dislike self insert fics, probably, and you're all probably wondering why the hell this got posted (and written).
> 
> Last year, I stumbled upon a couple of Poe imagines on Tumblr. I use to read Doctor Who imagines, so I was pleasantly surprised with the Poe fics, especially with how well written and in character they were. It quickly became my method of coping with what was going on irl before I abruptly stopped for some reason. I moved on.
> 
> This year, my mental health hasn't been doing great. The idea came to me this afternoon to pick up my old coping method, but I couldn't find any fics that were what I needed. So, I decided to write one myself. 
> 
> It's v depressing but it has a happy ending so 👀

The cold air cut at your arms and legs, but you ignored it as you moved further out of the base, onto the large strip of duracret that served as the landing bay for the few ships the Resistance still had. Your feet dragged, the soles of your shoes crunching gravel as you walked.

 

There was something wrong with you - had been for almost an entire year. Your spark was gone; filled with a cold, foreign hollowness you couldn't name. It took you hours to muster the energy to do your daily duties, you either slept too little or too much, and existing felt...well, it was the farthest thing you wanted to do.

 

No one seemed to care, either. Not really. Everyone bought your phoney  _ I'm okay _ s and  _ I'm just tired _ s, even though those had been your excuses for over a year. Your family didn't understand, didn't care to. They had more  _ important  _ things to handle. They couldn't handle your problems. You had to be perfect and good and cheerful all the damn time.

 

And you wanted to be.

 

You wanted to be perfect and cheerful. Wanted to love the things you loved before. Wanted to see some of the people you held most dear in the same light you had two years ago, before the war. You wanted to be following your dreams, making a difference.

 

But you couldn't.

 

Tears blur your vision and you nearly crumble in the middle of the landing strip, your legs suddenly jelly, but you manage to stumble towards one of the X-Wings. You brace yourself on it before shakily sinking to the ground, tears burning your eyes. There's a tightness in your throat, stomach, chest that won't go away. It's hard to breathe.

 

You have no one. No one understands. No one  _ cares  _ to. People use you. No one hears you. You're alone.

 

Alone in a world where you shouldn't be. Familiar faces have turned to harsh strangers, with words more biting than that of a blaster bolt. Their games feel more like a minefield than dealing with the First Order; any slip of your armor, and they'd use that weakness against you.

 

It was a battle with them. A constant, never ending battle.

 

And they didn't understand when you broke this afternoon; no way to block the harsh words, the irksome behavior. Mocked your distress. Told you to bite your tongue, to be cheerful.

 

They couldn't handle anything else.

 

Tears continue to blur your vision, but they won't fall. No sob rips through your throat. The worst kind of pain is the kind that leaves you unable to cry. Like the dam has been built so sturdily that those emotions can never escape properly, and they'll be trapped inside your chest forever, because nothing can crack that dam. 

 

You squeeze your eyes shut, wishing that ache in your chest will  _ leave _ , wishing you could just fly away from them, from it all - wish you could either fast forward through this part, or maybe not exist at all.

 

You hiss, and shove at the ladder next to you - it skids across the duracret -

 

“Whoa!”

 

You look up in alarm as Poe Dameron barely manages to avoid getting hit by the step ladder. Your heart plummets to your stomach, your hands shaking -  _ shit shit shit shit - _

 

“Sorry,” you say quickly, clambering to your feet. You grab onto the ladder, pulling it away from him with your head hung low, dark bangs falling across your eyes, shielding them from view. No tears fell, but your eyes are certainly going to be shining, and you'd rather the poster boy of the Resistance  _ didn't  _ see that. “Didn't realize anyone else was out here.”

 

“You and me both,” Poe says with a wry expression, eyebrows furrowed slightly like he's trying to gage why you're out here in the first place. “Considering it's almost two in the morning.”

 

You blanch, hand clasping over where your chronometer  _ should  _ be, but isn't. You must've left it in your bunk. Wonderful. You have to be up by sunrise for your morning errand to the nearest town. Again.

 

“Great,” you mutter, “just what I needed - an all nighter.”

 

You lean your back against the X-Wing again, trying to ignore the fact that Poe is still standing there. Your eyes are burning again, and you don't want to burst into tears over this, but dammit everything seems to be going wrong and -

 

And there you go.

 

The tears.

 

The fucking tears and the gasping breath as sobs rip through your throat. The pain has tipped over the dam, breaking it down all because of something so ridiculously stupid as the  _ time.  _ Realizing you stayed up too late is what broke the tauntaun's back. How fucking idiotic  _ are  _ you?

 

Your legs give out unexpectedly and you reach out with your bare hands to break the fall -

 

But find yourself pressed against something solid and warm, a pair of hands on your arms, steadying you, and a breathy  _ hey  _ fills the air between you and -

 

Poe helps you to the ground, crouching beside you as the tears stream your cheeks, as you gasp for breath, trying desperately to stop the sobbing, but only making to choke and so even more. His hand rubs gentle circles into your back, holding you close in an awkward hug. 

 

This is all you really ever wanted. Someone to be here, in moments like these, to hold and to comfort you, instead of the aching emptiness beside you. But it terrifies you as well - letting anyone see you so vulnerable with this raw emotion…

 

You don't want to think about it.

 

You can hear him saying something - it's incoherent at first, but then you can make out things like  _ it's okay, it's alright, you aren't alone, _ and that only makes you cry more because how is it that he knows exactly what to say to you, when he doesn't even know what you're going through.

 

After what feels like an eternity, your son's subside, your tears dry, and you untangle yourself awkwardly from his arms. His face is soft, eyes wide and warm with concern, dark hair falling into his eyes, and notes your shiver as you draw your legs up to your chest.

 

“Here -” he discards his leather jacket, pulling it around you. It's a tad big on you, and incredibly warm, and it smells like him - caf and engine oil, and sweets. 

 

“Thanks,” you mumble, “for the jacket and for…” you trail off, unable to finish.

 

“Always,” Poe replies, scooching closer to you. He stretches his legs and you note for the first time that he's in pajamas. “But, ah, do you want to talk about it? Whatever's bothering you? Because it does help, you know. The crying does, too. But -”

 

“You've got better things to deal with, I'm sure.” You reply.

 

There's a moment of silence long enough to make you regret your unintentionally harsh tone, but then Poe says, “Actually I don't. Can't think of anything more important than listening to you. Especially if it's something I might be able to help with.”

 

“It isn't.”

 

“Try me.”

 

You narrow your eyes at him; clearly he isn't going to let you off with an  _ you caught me at a bad time I'm okay now my dude, see you later! _

 

Part of you wants to run away, and avoid him possibly for the rest of your life. Or at least as best you can on such a tiny base.

 

But the other half of you, which has longed to be understood and heard and pitied and comforted for so long is so much stronger than the urge to run.

 

And you find your thoughts spilling out, the dam in your heart cracks and breaks open, and you allow yourself to come undone, to crumble and break and bring yourself back to shaky breaths as you explain everything to him, words failing at times because it's impossible to describe -

 

When all is said and done, he hugs you, tight. It's not a half assed one but a two armed one, with so much warmth and comfort that you melt into it, wishing it'll never end.

 

“You're so brave for dealing with this,” Poe says quietly, with a fierce kind of determination, as he pulls back. “But you're not alone, and you do  _ not  _ have to bury this all down. You've got a family here, in the Resistance. In me, too, if you want.”

 

You give a watery laugh, “And what if you just leave me, too, with no warning?”

 

Poe's eyes darken, and he shakes his head. “Nope. Never gonna happen. You're stuck with me, kid.”

 

You bite your lip, still unconvinced, so he takes your hands in a firm grasp, and looks at you imploringly. “You've gone through  _ hell, _ and you're still going. The fact you get up at all each day is amazing, and a feat into itself. But bravery isn't just facing something alone, it's accepting  _ help  _ when you need it. Being vulnerable isn't a bad thing.” 

 

You don't say anything, you can't find your voice, so you manage a quick nod.

 

“Do that for me, alright? I don't care who you ask for help,.you can talk to Beebee-Ate if you want, just... don't go through this by yourself. Please.”

 

You nod again, and he smiles for the first time in a long time. “Good. Good.” He ducks his head, exhaling, before glancing back up at the moon. “You know, the General has some of the best cocoa in the galaxy stocked. Her brother introduced her to it.”

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Yeah, and it's pretty damn good.” He grins, “You want to grab a cup with me, brave heart?”

 

“Brave heart?” You repeat, face screwing up in confusion as he stands.

 

“It's an old saying my mom had - brave heart, Poe.” He holds his hand out to you. “And it seemed fitting for you. You've got a brave heart.”

 

You smile as you take his hand, and he pulls you to your feet. Before you lose the nerve to, you kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Poe.”

 

He grins, “I told you - I'm  always here for you.”

  
  



End file.
